Long Haitus

It has been almost a year since my last blog entry. I just can't believe that time runs away so quickly. Life flies when you are happy people say, but i would say when you are sad you never see time pass by. I thought life passed quickly only when faced with happiness, but does not seem to be that way. Happiness- far from it, i never been in such misery in a very long time now.

I recollect, years ago- to be precise circa 1999. That's when it all began. First time sorrow hitting me squarely in the face. In your youth or teenage, sorrow does not hit you, until and unless there is an issue with your love life. That gives you sleepless nights- nothing else. But as you hit early 30's it is then the pressures of life that gets you. I lost my job and was finding it difficult to get one. 

Thankfully i was not married, so I was left alone to bear my sorrows and to deal with. But then i guess because i was single, i was not really responsible very early on in life. The reason why i did not move on in life was because of  my speech debacle due to which i could not get a good enough job. When there are other mouths to feed, then life hits you at your solar plexus. 

But then circa 1999, loss of a job didn't really put me to the test. I tried finding employment, but did not succeed. 

I had a problem with my speech and that certainly played truant with me on prospecting a new job.
In fact coming to my speech problem. This is something in between me & my God. For i know, there isn't any human intervention as to how i ended up with a stammer. 

Of course it's in the genes. My uncle - from dad's side had this predicament and one of my cousin's - also dad's side again had the same debacle. I did speak to him as to his take on the issue. 

He said either you cry over it or live with it. But i had an issue, i couldn't cry over it nor could i live with it. After completion of my engineering/education i had to have good communication skills to land a job. But for me - even when someone asked my name, it was a big task for me to give my name. 

I wasn't in an industry where you could have a desk job and earn enough money to make a living. But for my cousin it was different, he inadvertently reached where his communication skills (vocal) was not important. He was into communication- but the written word. In fact my entire childhood i spent knowing what to say, but not knowing how to say it. 

Sometimes i wish i could live my life again to know how it feels to tell people what they wanted to know from me- even if it was just my name. So here i was after the completion my education, safely cocooned until then. And now suddenly out to face the big bad world. 

And the big bad was clear, any shortcoming would be blown out of proportion so as to be taken advantage of. Every penny you earned had to be earned- nothing came easy.

I had an opportunity to advance on the education front, but for some reason or maybe the torture i endured on the look of some of my lecturers i decided not to. I decided it was time to begin working and earn a living, after all my folks look forward this, after years of upbringing; but all that came to naught within an year itself. 

In a year's time i realized your engineering isn't going to do you much good. So i went ahead and did a Management degree. But all the more realizing that my communication skills counted.

I started of real low down in the hierarchy. There wasn't any other go. Had to. there wasn't anybody to risk taking someone with such bad communication skills. The employment scene also was not be rosy picture. 

In fact i also did a course in Computers, but the IT market was in turmoil so i was left with no choice but to continue in my said field. Now when i sit, looking back there isn't regret but hopelessness only.  

Updating this blog. Today is 16th July 2020.

We all are under the spell of COVID-19. Life is tough. 

I have finally landed the job that I dreamt of - Content Writer.

And of course before this job I worked for Nandi Toyota as the CRM. 

CRM- Customer Relations Manager

Yep, i worked on my speech and got over it up to a certain extent. My job was customer relations and ensuring satisfaction of customers. And there was lots of talking to do. 

There were lots of meeting with Toyota officials and I reigned supreme. 

Now the only thing that i lack is a partner. So looking forward to that life too now.